


Not Unlike the Last

by pyrrhical (anoyo)



Series: Traditions [2]
Category: Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-07
Updated: 2009-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:19:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5931520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoyo/pseuds/pyrrhical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[spoilers] When Arthur thought about it, he knew many things had changed in the past year. Morgana had left, a change that had not ripped the kingdom apart as physically as many of the others, but one that left it just as limping and damaged. Following the horrifying series of events that it had, it had been the one to almost break what remained of his hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Unlike the Last

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 12/7/09 [here](http://merlinadvent.livejournal.com/33052.html).

When Arthur thought about it, he knew many things had changed in the past year. Morgana had left, a change that had not ripped the kingdom apart as physically as many of the others, but one that left it just as limping and damaged. Following the horrifying series of events that it had, it had been the one to almost break what remained of his hope.

It had not done so, though. Arthur would have liked to believe that he was stronger than that; that it was his courage, and his inherent belief in what is right and what is needed that had kept him on his feet, but he knows that that is wrong. That very knowledge of right is what makes Arthur admit that he may not have been able to stand on his own two feet without the people that surrounded him. While the rift between Uther and Morgana had been vast and visible, some part of Arthur -- the part that believed them to be a family, and that believed family to be something sacred and unbreakable -- had never expected it to crumble as completely as it had. Were it not for the hands in his, he would not have remained to be the strength that the kingdom needed.

When his strength had appeared all but broken and depleted, those hands had guided him to a reserve he had not known he'd had. Sometimes, Arthur regrets the passage from adolescence that this knowledge forced into being, but more often, he is simply grateful.

When Arthur thinks of all the things that have changed since the last coming of Yule, these things are foremost in his mind, but they are not alone. With them is the knowledge of Merlin's place at his side; a place with power that Arthur had known, but not known, a recognition he has been giving many things of late. After the horror of Morgana's revelation and departure, the fear Merlin had radiated with his own revelation had been almost humorous. Arthur is glad that when he reflects on this part of the past year, he is forced to feel no regret.

Arthur had always known Merlin was at his side, no matter what he would convince himself momentarily; another of his most startling realizations over the past year is in recognition of the list of other people to whom he owes a similar gratitude. Arthur knows that his knights would give their lives for him, or for Camelot, but he had always believed it was for the prince that he was, not the man that he is. These men at his side, Arthur has been forced to recognize in the face of the past year's chaos, and he sees them for what they mean.

In the wake of Morgana's betrayal -- Arthur can see it as nothing else, at the risk of losing his utter belief in Camelot, which he needs in order to lead her -- Gwen has proven herself to be a truer friend of Camelot than Arthur had ever known, and that, too, is something that he must see.

When Arthur thinks of all the people to whom he owes gratitude at the dawning of the advent cycle and marvels at his fortune, and at the fortune of Camelot, he wonders at how he can repay that debt. He is the crown prince, and he cannot be seen doing anything that might hint at the instability of Camelot by way of needing the support of others for his own person, but when Merlin greets him December first with a solemn, but sincere, smile and a compliment, Arthur has an idea.

Arthur is well able to think of twenty-five people to whom he owes his gratitude, and the crown prince is certainly allowed to compliment the character of one loyal citizen a day. The meshing of yet one more aspect of Merlin and Arthur does not get past Arthur's sense of irony, and out of a respect that Arthur feels he will understand fully only when they're both too old and gray to feel maudlin about it, he saves Merlin's compliment for last, remembering how Merlin called it a "truth."

He greets Merlin on the final morning with a bright smile, grinning through Merlin's obvious lack of a compliment. While Arthur has adjusted his traditions, Merlin apparently has not. The obvious appearance later in the day of a Yule present changes Arthur's perception of this, and he only feels the change that they have all undergone more acutely.

As though they have not simply meshed their traditions, but formed a new one, all their own, Merlin is waiting for Arthur in his chambers after the holiday feast. "Happy Yule," Arthur says, smiling as Merlin stands to help him with his jacket.

"Happy Yule," Merlin says in reply, tugging Arthur's jacket off and putting it away as Arthur leans to remove his boots on his own. Merlin rolls his eyes at this, a gesture that has become customary whenever Arthur dismisses Merlin's actions preemptively, but moves to stoke the fire, instead. As he adds another log, Merlin begins, "I didn't have nearly the time this year that I did last year."

"Oh, really?" Arthur asks, seating himself in a chair within conversational distance of the fire. "Does that mean I had an easier-to-compliment year?"

Merlin turns to grin at him. "Or it could mean that there were just fewer instances to choose from."

"I like my version better," Arthur says, grinning.

"I'm sure you do," Merlin agrees, sitting cross-legged on the floor near the fire, showing no intention to come and sit in a chair, like a civilized person. Arthur is forced to admit that it is probably quite a bit warmer, that much closer to the fire. "Either way, it was easier because it was just made repeatedly obvious all year. Arthur, all the year, I wish you to remember that you are the most honorable person I know, have ever met, or am ever likely to meet. Whenever anything occurs -- no matter what -- and no matter what stand you or anything close to you has in it, personally, you will react with honor, and, in the end, do what is truly right. When all else fails, this is something that I can always rely upon. Throughout the next year, in health and happiness, remember this truth."

Partly to stop himself from the embarrassingly emotional reaction he had last year, and partly to imitate Merlin as best he can when it's his turn, Arthur notes that the way Merlin has said this is precisely the same as he did last year. After he has made that extremely short observation, Arthur has little in the way of that emotional reaction. He manages, "That's not what I was expecting," before all he can do is smile for a long moment, hoping that Merlin has the good sense to never tease him about this, ever.

Merlin grins again and says, "Well, since that's part of the knight's code and all, I'd hope that you at least sort of knew it. Or at least tried, a little. If you manage to do all that without trying, you're going to make the rest of us look awful."

Arthur laughs at that and grins, pushing past the emotion. "I suppose I do try. Thank you." As Merlin makes to move, Arthur says, "Stay there, idiot. You're not the only one who can learn another's tradition. Though, Merlin, if you laugh at me for getting any part of this wrong, I'm throwing you in a snow bank."

Taking a moment to simply blink in wonder, Merlin opens his mouth as if to reply, then snaps it shut. Apparently, he is speechless. If Arthur knew which part of his announcement had managed this, he'd try to replicate it.

Bizarrely, Arthur finds himself nervous. Merlin's smiles and jokes before his "truths" tell Arthur that he hasn't been, but Arthur's not sure how. "Merlin, all the year, I wish you to remember that even when you feel as though someone is not listening, you should always still speak your mind. Through the year, I have always found that when I do away with my incredulity and listen to you, whether it be in matters of safety or matters of friendship, the advice that you give is sound. When you hold your tongue for fear of overstepping bounds, simply give thought to the time and place and then do away with those fears when they are right. When you think for others, which I've found you do more often than those others would like to admit, you offer an irreplaceable guidance. Throughout the next year, in health and happiness, remember this truth." Even finished, Arthur's nervousness has not abated, and he is strangely worried that he got the wording wrong, or that he picked the wrong thing to compliment. Aloud, it sounded more like advice than a compliment.

It's good enough. Merlin smiles softly at Arthur and says, "Thank you." He pauses, and Arthur is mollified to see that he seems to need to take a moment to control his own emotions. Once he has, he offers Arthur a more familiar grin. "Does this mean you'll listen a little better?"

Arthur grins in response. "I make no promises," he says loftily, crossing his arms and attempting to look stern. He knows he fails.

Merlin laughs, and though the emotional moment has passed, Arthur can still see it in Merlin's features and the strange softness of his demeanor. Arthur is glad that he made the attempt, however successful it may have been. He hopes that this, too, will be something he will not have cause to regret. Had he not done it, he may not have known, but he feels he would have missed the new ease that he can feel between them. That is the first thing that Arthur can say has changed, in this new year.


End file.
